Get Divorced or Stay Together in the RV World?
Are we having problems with our marriage? To answer that, we'll wait a bit. We all know drama does better in ratings then just plain being normal. But in all seriousness, this topic is coming up a lot for us these days. I mean how hard is it to have fun while traveling? To answer this BLUNTLY, it all depends on the couple at hand.
We all remember Gabby Petito's story all over every social media platform. Petito's body was found Sept. 19 at a campground near Grand Teton National Park in northwestern Wyoming. A coroner determined she'd died about three weeks earlier of "blunt-force injuries to the head and neck, with manual strangulation." - they traveled in a van.
There were signs of the struggles they were dealing with, but social media being fucking perfect hid the evils lurking in their traveling home. So what does this have to do with us? Getting there...
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We just encountered a couple and again everything seemed perfectly good. Swapped some stories and got them settled into their spot for the next couple of days. Off we went... And then, we get a call that something is wrong with their electricity. I bop along with Mark as I normally do when I don't want to be alone or need some much fresh air. We have some one on one time with the husband. I noted right away, something was off. As Mark is trying to figure how to get the situation fixed and fast so they can continue to unhook and get more settled in. The husband proceeds to tell me the horrible experiences they have had since starting full-time RVing, (and here is the kicker, they started at the same month and year we did). They did two workamping positions in which they were treated unfairly and had to deal with druggie drunks for bosses and unfair wages. That's beyond terrible to say the least. And it was enough to break the Mrs down to the point she declared she wanted to sell the RV/Truck and get divorced. You could see this man was on the verge of crying. What do you say? How do you react? "I'm so sorry" and "take baby steps and shut down for a bit to give you both some breathing room". It broke my heart and I have to remind myself, that there are always 3 sides to the truth. His-Her-And the TRUTH!!
As we drove away, I got scared inside, truly scared inside. And I become super quiet for the majority of the day (VERY unlike me). I got to thinking, this is the 3rd couple we've met that have confessed this to us. Now mind you, we do meet a lot of people but it just seeps down into my sad section of my thinking.
Now to answer that question all you nosey people are seeking. Are we getting a divorce? Still not there yet, so be patient, my little drama seekers. Mark finally catches on, that something is wrong and stops his day and heads over to me. He says, let's go for a walk and talk. And we do...
I come right out and ask him, if he's happy? If this life is what he envisioned? Is this something he truly wants to do or is he doing this, just for me? After all, I put hell in his palm with my sickness. He looks at me and with the most calming voice, he says, "I am so thankful for your dreams. I am so thankful for my dreams. So let me make this very clear. We have the same dream and we are living out that dream and we get the honor to do that together without one of us sitting on the side-lines. That's why we are a success. Our bad day is better than most people's good days because, that is how we look at and live our lives".
So, there you have it. There will be NO D-I-V-O-R-C-E for us. Had you going there, didn't I? But back to being serious. RV Life is hard, it's not all sunshine and rainbows for sure. Couples need to seriously consider everything before hitting the road. Everything from how to fight without FIGHTING. Communication at the right time. Figure out those private times each party needs and to respect that, (like for us, when traveling, I drive the car, while he drives the truck/travel trailer - I get my quiet podcast time and he listens the music that drives me crazy lol). He loves his nintendo switch that his wonderful son Andrew got for him. And while he plays with that, I'll read or watch a movie and it works out great. I guess what I love about us, is that we love to be with each other non-stop. We are entertainment for each other because we are both goofy and servers. We both love sports and seeing new things. Recently my alone time that I cherish, is being in our tiny kitchen and cooking.
Things we have learned while RVing marriage wise.
DON'T ever let anyone interfere with your marriage. If you meet a couple and they favor one over the other - RUN..... Those are the most DANGEROUS people you'll ever meet. Mark is so beyond good to me, that women (some) will treat me like shit because their husbands aren't like Mark. I sometimes want to get a shirt that says "Hey you, he chose ME, I wear the ring he picked for ME and you wear the ring of YOU OWN husband - now bugger off and honor that.
If a couple talks about their past of how they were accused of having affairs or anything sexual - RUN, there tends to be some truth to that. Don't engage with garbage like that. If a couple is about tearing one or the other or perhaps both of you - RUN. There are some amazing people out there. Don't change yourself to be accepted by them. Be you!! So what if you're corkie, nerdy, a goody 2shoes, it's ok, just be respectful. And MARRIAGE FIRST!!
If they don't like Mark then they don't like me, and they don't like me, then Mark doesn't like you. Knowing that we have each other's back takes a lot of stress off with our travels. We came up with new code words for a lot of things. That has been gold to us since we left Quartzsite. We made some mistakes there but we are GRATEFUL for them, because no one will ever do that to us again.
It's ok to have a different interest, we have separated our responsibilities that work for us. I can't tell you how many times women criticize me for not being out there to help Mark park the trailer - he would rather I not do it - he's great at it. I can do it, but in this marriage it works for us that I don't - so get off your ego lady, I can park and do many things Mark does. And it's ok for a man to pamper his wife, as it is for a wife to pamper her husband, (again don't allow any of these people into your life).
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And avoid An "apostate" who is someone who has totally abandoned or rejected their religion. It can also be used in a slightly more general way to refer to someone who has totally abandoned or rejected their principles, cause, party, or other organization. And then use that religion against you when they feel they need to school you. You know the type, invite you over for game night and proceed to talk nasty about Church and then when they become angry with you, send you Bible scriptures to put you in your place - RUN....
There are enough distractions that couples have to deal with as RV full-timers. You don't have to be perfect. It's ok to not to have followers, have the fancy RV, money coming out of your ears to drink nightly, see everything in your path (events, destination locations). It's ok to fail. What's not ok, is being unhappy. If it's to that point, keep fighting for your spouse but never put yourself in danger.
Coalville Utah has been the best thing for Mark and I. We made some new ground rules for us. Where we failed was allowing another couple to be abusive to one of us. For not recognizing the signs and not dealing with the first sign of trouble. We hide our feelings behind closed doors while clinging to each other. Now we stand hand in hand and proudly say "Bugger Off".
It is a choice of whether to be happy or not! Even in hard times, we are happy because we chose US! I hope and pray for the same for you... Never resort to the devastating end like we are starting to see a trend in the RV world (living in small quarters and trying with all might to be perfect. May Gabby rest in peace and hope that all couples who are reaching their end, to seek the help or to simply STOP).
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